Small Business stands in front of a whiteboard that looks like it was attacked by a caffeinated accountant. Flowcharts, arrows, sticky notes, and a doodle of GNOME! being drop‑kicked into a recycling bin cover every inch.

Micro‑Manager storms into frame holding a clipboard like it’s a sacred relic.

MICRO‑MANAGER:

“THIS IS A DISASTER! A COMPLETE BREAKDOWN OF CORPORATE STRUCTURE! A VIOLATION OF EVERY POLICY IN THE HANDBOOK!”

Small Business sighs.

SMALL BUSINESS:

“You wrote the handbook yesterday.”

MICRO‑MANAGER:

“And it’s ALREADY BEING VIOLATED!”

He slams the clipboard onto the table. It bounces off, hits him in the shin, and he yelps like a malfunctioning printer.

Small Business rubs his temples.

SMALL BUSINESS:

“Look, we’re fighting Cyclone and GNOME!. They’re three feet tall and powered by spite and chaos. We don’t need a handbook. We need a plan.”

Micro‑Manager gasps dramatically.

MICRO‑MANAGER:

“A plan IS a handbook!”

He flips open the clipboard to reveal a 47‑page document titled:

“OPERATION: MINI MITIGATION — A Strategic Framework for Neutralizing Height‑Deficient Hostiles.”

Small Business stares.

SMALL BUSINESS:

“You wrote a whole report?”

MICRO‑MANAGER:

“Of course. I also included charts.”

He flips to a page showing a pie chart labeled “Percentage of GNOME! Bites Per Match.”  

The entire pie is red.

SMALL BUSINESS:

“That’s… 100%.”

MICRO‑MANAGER:

“Statistically accurate.”

THE TRAINING MONTAGE THAT SHOULD NOT EXIST

Micro‑Manager drags Small Business to the center of the room where he has set up:

- A child‑sized wrestling dummy  

- A cardboard cutout of Cyclone  

- A stuffed garden gnome wearing a championship belt  

- A Nerf bat labeled “DEFENSIVE MEASURE”  

MICRO‑MANAGER:

“Step one: Anti‑Bite Defense Drills.”

He hands Small Business the Nerf bat.

SMALL BUSINESS:

“I’m not hitting a stuffed gnome.”

MICRO‑MANAGER:

“You will if you want dental coverage.”

Small Business reluctantly taps the stuffed gnome.  

It falls over.  

Micro‑Manager claps like he just witnessed a miracle.

MICRO‑MANAGER:

“Excellent! Now, step two: Cyclone Countermeasures!”

He presses a button.  

The cardboard Cyclone springs forward on a bungee cord and headbutts Small Business in the stomach.

Small Business collapses.

SMALL BUSINESS:

“WHY WOULD YOU BUILD THAT?!”

MICRO‑MANAGER:

“Realism!”

THE CORPORATE MOTIVATION SPEECH

Small Business finally snaps.

He stands up, grabs Micro‑Manager by the collar, and lifts him off the ground.

SMALL BUSINESS:

“LISTEN. TOMORROW NIGHT, WE AREN’T FIGHTING FOR PROFITS. WE AREN’T FIGHTING FOR SHAREHOLDERS. WE ARE FIGHTING BECAUSE TWO MINIATURE MEN HAVE EMBARRASSED US ON NATIONAL TELEVISION!”

Micro‑Manager dangles helplessly.

MICRO‑MANAGER:

“Technically one is a dwarf and one is a gnome—”

SMALL BUSINESS:

“I DON’T CARE!”

He drops him.

SMALL BUSINESS:

“We’re going to walk into that ring. We’re going to beat Cyclone. We’re going to beat GNOME!. And we’re going to do it WITHOUT a handbook!”

Micro‑Manager gasps like he’s been stabbed.

MICRO‑MANAGER:

“No handbook…? That’s… that’s ANARCHY!”

SMALL BUSINESS:

“It’s wrestling.”

THE FINAL SHENANIGAN

Suddenly, the stuffed GNOME! springs to life.

Or rather, Micro‑Manager accidentally steps on a remote that makes it vibrate violently.

The stuffed gnome launches itself at Small Business’s face.

He screams.

He flails.

He crashes through the whiteboard.

Micro‑Manager scribbles a note.

MICRO‑MANAGER:

“New policy: No vibrating gnomes in the workplace.”

Small Business emerges from the wreckage, hair sticking up, eyes wild.

SMALL BUSINESS:

“Tomorrow… we kill them.”

Micro‑Manager nods solemnly.

MICRO‑MANAGER:

“I’ll draft the paperwork.”